So work started last week which has been keeping me really busy - I get home for the day around 5:30 and then pretty much just have to do work until I go to sleep - then wake up at 6 the next morning and do it all over again. Because of that I haven't had a ton of time to explore DC (I actually haven't been to a single museum yet...) but I'm hoping this weekend I can get out a little bit and see some of the city.
Work started on Tuesday, I met my supervisor and got settled in to the archives a little bit. Right now me (and some of the other Smith interns) are kind of unsure as to what exactly the next few months are going to look like for us. I'm doing research in the archives right now, so I've been pulling a bunch of boxes and looking through documents, but as to what exactly my day-to-day is going to look like for the rest of the semester...I don't really know. So far, it's mostly been just reading and taking notes at my desk all day which is really interesting but definitely leaves me a little braindead at the end of the day.
My supervisor said that I could take a look at some other kinds of jobs in the archives if I wanted to, too. But right now I feel like I need to get my bearings in the task at hand before I get there.
Anyway, this past week or so in DC has been pretty overwhelming to say the least. I can't lie, I'm missing Smith and my friends pretty hard right now. These past few months - and especially this past summer - have made me really doubt whether I want to do this kind of work in the future anyway, which leaves me in a kind of weird place right now.
Even though for so long I thought I wanted to work in archives or in a museum in some other capacity, I realized that I don't know that I would actually enjoy this work. It's hard to explain, but the best way I can sum up my feelings right now about archival work is that I find it interesting, but I don't find it fulfilling.
Like, the documents I've been working with for the past week are super cool - all about LGBT history with tons of pictures and ephemera from Pride events, drag shows, gay bars, etc. from the 60s-80s mostly. And I love reading about it, and I recognize why, like, preserving this history is important and powerful and I believe that archives are really important. But to me, touching these documents, listening to the archivists in the office talk about processing (basically organizing) new materials, or working with donors to acquire new materials, or digitizing documents - it all just feels very...I don't know, far removed? Maybe it's 'cause the archive offices are windowless rooms in the lower level of the museum, but I feel very far away from, like, people actually engaging with these materials or learning about them.
I don't know if that makes sense. Interesting but not fulfilling, interesting but I don't know if I would find it satisfying.
Of course this is just me thinking after week one. On days like today, when my supervisor isn't here and I'm kind of left to my own devices, I can go almost the whole day without talking to anyone. As the internship goes on and I (hopefully) get more responsibilities or get to try new things, I'm sure my thoughts could change. But reflecting on the other internships I've had related to archival work these past couple of years, I've been noticing these conclusions becoming clearer to me.
I'm kind of surprised by it, honestly, because I always thought I could never do any kind of work that required a lot of talking or interaction with other people. But working with high school students everyday in Japan made me realize that I actually want to do some kind of work where I interact with people. I want to be able to, like, answer people's questions and be helpful to people in some kind of way like that. I don't know, I guess I just like having the right answer. Like how I get excited when I can help give someone directions or tell someone where to transfer on the metro. I like feeling useful like that.
That's not to say that I'm not really grateful to be here right now or anything though. In some time I'm sure I'll have a better sense of what I actually think about things. And it's so cool to get to be surrounded by so many really smart people, the interns, the staff members, the other Smith students in my class. I've just been thinking about these things recently too, guess I wanted to get them out in the open.
I do hope I'm able to get the things that I want out of this internship. Hopefully once I feel a little more comfortable this week (and finally get my museum staff badge!) I'll push myself to ask to try out other things, so I can get a taste of what other kinds of jobs in the museum are like too.
And sorry I don't have very many good pictures, so here's just a bunch all at once of some cool things I've seen so far! I don't have many but I'll try to explore more for next week :^)
Yeah, like what Rachel and Aboni said. This experience is a win-win situation. Either you learn to find the work to be fulfilling or you learn that you don’t like it. But I like your mural pics, my fav is probably the eye one. It has a je ne sais quoi to it. Also, I think your motivation for wanting to help people to be interesting. I feel like the love of helping people very interesting. Like you gain nothing from it, yet we are compelled to do so anyway. I try to think of my own motivation but could never think of why, but maybe like you I like to feel useful??
Interesting dilemma, but like you said hopefully this experience is going to show you what you want in the future :)
I get what you mean about not being sure about it you find work fulfilling :/ like I could be ok doing it.but for years and years? that’s a different story 😓 The first few days/weeks are always hard especially when you come from the reference point of leaving good relationships behind :-( but I’m sure it’ll grow on you! If anything, it sounds like this will be a clarifying experience