**credits for the title go to Abdellah Issoug! I just thought it was the perfect title**
Apologies for the lack of photos! I literally haven't taken any worth adding...
It's my last week of SURF, and thankfully things are ending on a positive note in terms of my experiments. On Monday the frog eggs were basically not working like they should be (I won't get into the technicalities) so I was sort of worried. But in a last ditch effort, I was able to get new ones to work for today and finished what I was expecting to! The only things I have left to do is write an abstract required by the program and analyze the data that I just collected. It's funny because all along I haven't been the one doing analysis on raw data (which is bad!) because other people on the projects were the ones to do it. So I'm actually glad for the opportunity :-).
Seeing as it's the end and I also can hardly remember what I did this week, I think today I'll do a short reflection of SURF itself (I may do a reflection on the summer as a whole later on). Elly Mons advised me that something to be constantly doing is reflecting on experiences! I think we all do that to a degree but the conscious effort into writing down those thoughts is something else completely.
In the few research labs I've been, my constant question is in the future, can see myself doing this indefinitely? I leave with a positive impression of the labs and my work there, yet the answer to my ultimate question remains uncertain. My experience this summer is no exception. I like the work I'm doing, but do I love it? Can I see myself doing it as a career? Perhaps not.
The problem though is that there are literally so many different things you can do in research and each lab has it's own environment and rhythm. So my uncertainty continues out of the concern that I just haven't tried enough things and I could be giving up something I end up loving.
Working in this lab since first year, I'm grateful for the opportunity to have something continuous to work on. Something I looked for out of the summer was depth and time that you just can't get during the school year. I definitely found that, and it really did make the research more enjoyable!
Despite coming out of it still unsure about my potential for research, the experience was clarifying and necessary. I sometimes get down on myself for not getting into any of the bigger programs like REUs, but I need to remember that if I did one of those programs, I wouldn't get the same clarity from the experience I did have. Nor would I have formed and strengthened the friendships I found over the past few months :'). What's I'm trying to say is don't have regrets! Trite but true.
Hopefully somewhere down the line I'll figure out if I want to do research long term, if there's a question I find worth pursuing (bc frankly I read some journal titles and I'm like... why.... what's the point?!). I think that'll either take a lot more reflection (which I will spare you all) and/or a breakthrough moment/experience. Until then, I float along a foggy path like most other 20 year olds! MD/PhD??? I don't know her!
Unrelated but I like talking about things I just read/watched before I forget all about them :-)
- Movie: Edward Scissorhands - I just watched this last night for the first time, and I really loved it. Dare I say it has potential to be a favorite? The aesthetics in particular were stunning and the story was engaging.
- Book: Little Fires Everywhere - I think this story lived up to the hype for me! I liked it for it's detail in narrative and backstory.
- Song: Pretty Bones by yeule - I for sure don't think this song is for everyone but you be the judge. I originally heard it in its music video which is probably the way to go because I think the visuals give it meaning that would otherwise be missing. I can't put my finger on why I like it so much even just as the song, but I keep coming back to it... It reminds me of Oblivion by Grimes and captures a feeling I can't describe.
Lastly, HUGE shoutout to our faithful reader, Caitlin. Love ya <3 !!!(if you're reading this)!!!!!
Yeah reflecting is good (I personally try to keep an ongoing google doc of all my summer and class experiences). Anyway, your stance on research is very interesting. You’ve been doing it for 2 years and yet you still have no idea how you feel about it: it really shows a lot about you :) you don’t make immediate judgment on things. You try to give things a try and don’t mind taking as long as you need to.
I'm glad your SURF experience seemed positive and that you had good times with new and old friends :-) Also glad you are taking this time to reflect and also I support you in your foggy path, we're all figuring stuff out one day at a time and I think you have the kind of self-awareness and perception that when the path does start to become a little clearer, you'll know that it's one you want to go down.
The music video I truly beautiful!!! And yeah you're doing something that's important for your development. It's fate you know. You ended up where you were suppose to me