So I have been home for officially a week and tbh I feel so empty. Like there are no impending due dates to stress me out. No to-do list, just straight vibes for me to get in tune with. I'm not upset about this lifestyle though. Like Naoni summarized pretty well the other day: "Now I understand why people don't mind living in their parent's basements." Like I really do like being a bum, but at the same time I have aspirations, so all I can do is enjoy the times when I can be a bum and work until the next time I can be a bum again. Thursday when I got home I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. My mom, Naoni, and I spend almost four hours cleaning and it was nice. Like I'm not living in filth any more like I do at Smith. Smith can be a cesspool and I hate it. I hate the sink covered in spit and water, I hate people not flushing, I hate not being able to eat something I dropped because these hoes be stepping outside in actual shit and walking around the house like it's no big deal. Friday I was able to make it to my favorite bakery: Mozart's Bakery. It's a really cool Japanese- Korean-American bakery that has a lot of American pastry that are baked using Japanese and/or Korean styles. I usually get a custard filled puff, mochi, coffee buttercream puffs, or...you know what if any of y'all come down to Georgia and I'll give you some or if you remind me before I come to Smith I can being y'all some. It also has some of the best bubble teas I have ever had. I love the rose milk tea! It taste likes heaven. On Saturday, I argued with my mom, but I she kinda made it up to me by taking to Mozart's, so I was okay. Sunday I got to see my lovely niblings. I was so excited, and they were too which made me even happier. From Monday to Tuesday (Christmas Eve) we set up the Christmas tree, "sampled" some cookies for Santa, listened to some holiday music, as well as watched some classic and new Christmas music. They wore me out, but I had fun with them and I hope they did too! For Wednesday (Christmas) I got an iPhone 11 Pro, airpods, and a new suitcase. I was happy about the gifts, but then my mom started coughing and practically passed out. We took her to the ER, and we found out she was severely dehydrated and had the flu. Now this was a really sad situation, but I became really concerned for myself because I didn't get my flu shots :') so right now I'm waiting to see if I get it or not. I don't think I will, but we shall see... I know y'all gonna be attacking me for not getting the shot, but out of the 20 years of my life no one has gotten the flu in my house so this is a shock! Also the ER that I have been in so much growing up ( I had really bad asthma growing up) has changed management is right now being integrated to be part of one of the worst hospital system in Georgia and I'm sad because so many people die from that hospital system, but it's the only ER hospital for adults in the county, so I have no choice, but to go. Anyway for the past week me and Naoni have been sharing a room, which has been nice I guess. We argued once because I farted and it smelled too bad for Naoni to stay in there apparently, but other than that it has been chill.
Now here's a response to my title of my post. All semester I have been excited about going to Switzerland and having the opportunity to study abroad for six months, but since I have been home I don't want leave anymore. The idea of being a place where I will be facing racism that might be more normalized is scary and the idea of not being able to have a safe space like I do at Smith College, I'm anxious. I won't have access to products that are specific to black skin and hair, nor will I have a support system with people who are black the only other black person in the program with me is Paige, but she already has friends in the program. I'm going to be on my own and it's going to be such a change from being home where I'm only people like me who have a similar culture to me. Where I have access to things I like and comfortable with, but I will only see what the future has for me. I feel like this stress is coming from my family though because I usually don't think about the future like that.
I haven't done this in a while so here are...
Aboni's Suggestions-
Music: WANTED U (Joji), WHY AM I STILL IN LA (Joji), R.I.P. (Joji), Baby Came Home 2 (the Neighbourhood), Baby Came Home (the Neighbourhood), Flou (Angele)
Food: Pomegrantes, Cookie Dough, and Rose Milk Tea w/ Bubble
Shows: Peaky Blinders and Naruto(a classic, but a still good)
Okay talk to y'all later!
I'm glad that your mom is doing better now but that's super scary...
I totally get what you mean about it being nice to be a bum for a while, but then I find it hard to actually spend my break getting stuff done that I want to do during the semester, because I just end up chilling too hard.
And I hope you're able to find good support systems and new sorts of safe spaces in Switzerland
Yeah same, I’m always down for some good lie down time. I feel bad but then I remember how hard school can be. I don’t really have an excuse in Paris though.... That bakery sounds really nice! I always see you guys go. BUT I’m not sure if I can go to Georgia with all this trafficking talk you’re going on about I didn’t realize no one in your family had had the flu? I hope your mom gets better :-( I mean I know she will but I hope it’s soon. I had swine flu before 😷 And danggg your niblings are talented! I can’t say don’t worry about being in Switzerland bc you’re probably right about those experiences. I hope it’s…
Dude, I feel you about the being home thing. I think it has something to do with the fact that at school we're used to going all the time and now we're burnt out so we don't do anything.
Peaky Blinders!!