So like...remember those dreams I was telling you about where I keep getting strangled or choked and/or dying in my dreams. Well I looked it up, and it's either sleep apnea, a demon attacking me, or anxiety. In either case, the dreams are starting to affect me. At first, I could just push it off as a random dream, but now it's happening ever more often. And last night was the worst one. I couldn't breathe due to this really oppressive force. Then I woke up in a sleep paralysis state and dreamed some light was beaming down from above and slushing off my skin. Both dreams were really painful...do you feel pain in your dream or is it just a me problem :,)...in either case I couldn't fall asleep again because I didn't want to be in pain again and ended up only sleeping for 1 hour, up for 3, and sleep again for 2. It's really annoying ngl, because I just want to sleep, but my body hasn't been cooperating with me for like 2 weeks now -_-...might have to try some new measures to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Any who I feel like life is attacking me in every way possible, and not only am I pretty broke, can't eat, and beyond exhausted. I need to make important decisions. I believe in part my obsession with decision-making and overall being indecisive stems from my perfectionism. I feel like in college, a lot of my perfectionism dwindled, and I accepted better that I did my best and that's all I can do. But I think that I better tolerated in that type of environment because everyone reassured me and literally all I could do is study, there wasn't that many options either I did my best or was miserable to anything that wasn't perfect. In real life, I'm discovering that that's not the case. Heck, I still have issues with my parents even though all they were doing was their best. Doing your best irl doesn't mean anything. And I honestly scared of making the wrong choice. I want people around me to be like my counsel and help give me facts, advice, and opinions, but all I get is people telling me to do my best and that only I can make the decision. And I know and understand that, but sheesh would it hurt to help a sister out lol. For Example:
1) should I get locs or continue protective styling or maintain an afro
2) continue through the process with JET or just stick with my earlier decision of working at the hospital (cuz I told my sister like last week no matter the outcome I'll work with her, but if I get accepted high key I would go and idk if that's in the best interest (like I have to choose between medical school or personal gratification))
3) start dating or keep working on myself
4) to eat or not to eat (the age-old question lol)
5) when to start studying for the MCAT
And the list goes on, honestly...I feel so out of control with life, like no matter what the outcome is gonna be bad because I'm not perfect and don't make the right decisions all the time. And I honestly don't wanna deal with the consequences of being wrong/making the wrong decision. Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Idk, but here are some pics of my week!
Hi Aboni 👋🏼. I was scrolling through all the posts on here and the first few sentences of this one made me want to read on lol. Your dreams sound scary and idk I've always believed that dreams mean something (unless they're the ones that really make no sense) so you probably are stressed or something :(. Did you ever end up trying anything to help you sleep? I tried taking melatonin for a little while a couple of years ago to help me sleep but I noticed every time I took it, I woke up feeling groggy so I stopped. Also the dream about your skin being slushed off sounds eerie and I know what you mean about being…
I agree with everything Rachel said! Also, you have to truly accept that you are the agent in your life story. So be comfortable to make decisions because if you continue seeking validation and approval with each decision, you’ll lose sight of who you are and what YOU want and that’ll ultimately leave you unfilled, confused, and full of regret for not initially being more active in your life :) (all my opinion tho)
omg your bestie,i didn't know she had cool style too
here's my take, take it or leave it
1)you've been talking about locs for a while and I thought you were going to do it lol. I think you should do it. I know it's not a decision you should make on a whim but again, it's not a new idea for you.
2)to be honest if I were you I'd take the job with your sister. I know you love traveling and traveling at our age is not something you can replicate later on. But I think especially with the health stuff it's time to get things in order and treat it the best you can while you can…