Work has been kicking my ass lately. The kids are great and I like the site that I got placed at, but going on trips everyday is proving to be exhausting. I think it's the heat and the constant walking that's doing me in. I don't know...I know it could be a lot worse but after a long week of being on all the time the last thing I want to do is be around more people. But today, after our debrief session, the organization that I work for was holding a get together. Which is really just code for a networking event. And although, of course, I'm grateful that they invited us in the first place, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to stand there and make small talk with the other interns. Or worse, sit there and not talk to anyone at all. The event was optional so technically I didn't have to go, but at the same time it felt like I was giving up an opportunity if I didn't. So, after some encouragement from Naoni, Caitlin and my mom, I RSVPed to the event.
As a group, we walked all the way to this outdoor mini golf place and ate some lunch. We had sandwiches, and chips, and these interesting little cookie sandwiches. Then, we broke off into groups and played mini golf. I ended up having a pretty nice time, especially with the people in my golf group. Even though a lot of the interns are already kind of close, everyone was super nice. There were awkward pauses here and there but it definitely wasn't as bad as it could have been.
I guess the reason I'm getting into all of this is because lately I feel like with all the new opportunities I've been experiencing I've had to push myself a lot. And whenever I hear people talk about being shy, they always seem to talk about it in the context of the past. They say something like "when I was a kid I used to be really shy but then this thing happened and I got over it". And I guess you could say that I'm sort of waiting for that moment, you know. Even though I know that's not how things work.
This lady came to talk to us today and said something that struck a chord with me. She was describing the decision she made to quit teaching and she said: "It was an easy decision that felt hard at the time". And I guess that's sort of how I feel when I have to push myself out of my comfort zone (on a much smaller scale though). I know I should do it but making myself do it is difficult.
Okay, this is all I can squeeze out of my brain at the moment...it's a little choppy so sorry about that.
And here are some fun things from the weekend and earlier this week:
On Saturday we went to Jersey for this Hainan group thing and they had a lot of Singaporean food there
On Wednesday, I practiced my tent building skills in the hallway with some of the other staff
And yesterday we went to the Central Park Zoo
Also, I'm excited to see the poll results for this week
ahhhh all of your comments are so encouraging :) thanks guys
Aaaaaa I relate so hard to everything you said about being shy!! I've spent so much of my life hoping and praying that one day I would wake up and be confident and sociable and not feel anxious anymore, and recently I realized that like. I wouldn't even recognize a version of myself that didn't feel that way as Me. Like I only know myself as shy and anxious and awkward, for better or for worse that's part of who I am. Trying to learn how to "not be shy" isn't going to do anything for me,, bc I can't think that way. I feel like people don't really talk about how to accept being shy as part of who…
I like that quote from that women
Emma!!! I’m glad you went and had fun. About the whole shy thing, I understand. In my program this week we talked about being a leader and stuff and one of the things the facilitator said was that in order to be a leader “you can’t be shy” and I had to disagree. So when I was talking to my “students”, I was like nah it’s okay to be shy, you just can’t let it hold you back. And that’s what you are doing Emma. Also, sometimes you have to accept the “flaws” you see in yourself because at the end of the day no one is perfect. So keep it up, keep going out of your comfort zone (it…
I’m proud of you for going!!! Tbh I didn’t really view you as a super shy person but also I guess we’ve never seen each other in academic/business settings 🤔 networking things are the WORST so major props for going when it was optional! I still am super self conscious at those types of things so you’re not alone :’) Is that jelly as delicious as it looks?! (And the other food but the colors are so enticing on that one) Keep going!!!